How Early Promises Might be Blocking your Healing
Have you ever wondered why some patterns in your life seem impossible to break, no matter how hard you try? Whether it’s always putting others first, struggling to prioritise your needs, or feeling stuck in self-sabotaging cycles, the roots of these behaviours often lie in agreements we unknowingly made with ourselves during childhood.
Imagine a young child growing up in a household where their parent is often sad or stressed. In a moment of heightened emotion, that child might unconsciously think, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make Mommy happy. I won’t focus on me until she feels better.”
At the time, this agreement feels like the right thing to do and may even feel like the only way to ensure survival. In making this promise, the child’s brain (highly neuroplastic—malleable and primed to absorb lessons from their environment, and never more so than when emotions run high, as will have been the case to trigger such a promise), places high priority on reinforcing this promise. The subconscious works to embed beliefs and behaviours to help us navigate the world as we perceive it. Therefore, in stating a clear intention that we have to focus on our mothers needs over our own, our brain works to support that.
These agreements don’t fade away as we grow older. The body and mind, acting as our loyal protectors, hold onto them, treating them as fundamental principles for survival—even when they no longer serve us.
How the Body Enforces Childhood Agreements
The mind and body are incredibly resourceful allies. Once an agreement is made, they work in unison to ensure it’s upheld:
The Mind: Creates thought patterns and beliefs that align with the agreement. For instance, “It’s selfish to focus on myself” or “My happiness depends on others being okay.”
The Body: Stores the emotional imprint of that promise, activating stress responses or discomfort whenever you try to break it.
These systems are designed to keep us safe, but they can also keep us stuck—locked in patterns of behaviour that no longer match the reality of our adult lives.
Why It’s Hard to Release These Agreements
The body and mind don’t understand time in the way we think they do. To them, the promise you made as a child is still active and valid. They resist letting go because, at some level, they believe it’s crucial for your survival.
Even when you consciously know that the agreement no longer serves you, your subconscious and body may need more than just logical reasoning to let it go. This is why traditional approaches, like self-discipline or affirmations, often fall short—they don’t address the deep emotional and energetic roots of the issue.
Here is how in sessions we release these childhood agreements:
Identify the Agreement: This will come up through muscle testing in a session.
Acknowledge the Intention: We recognise that this agreement was made with good intentions. It was your mind and body’s way of keeping you safe at the time and we work with compassion and understanding always.
Challenge the Belief: We gently question whether this promise is still helpful.
Engage in Quantum Healing to clear: We may need somatic tools to give the body a direct signal that it’s safe to let go. Then when the time is right, we can release all aspects of the agreement using quantum healing.
Create a New Agreement: we then replace the old promise with one that aligns with your adult self. For example, “It’s safe for me to prioritise my needs and take care of myself.”